Disappointments

Disappointments

hey y'all.

life is hard.

yep, that is all.

Okay in reality that is not the whole reason I am writing this post. I have decided to take up writing to express my inner frustrations with decisions and experiences that do not turn out the way that I would like them to. Honestly, it's freaking sucky. BUT the good news is that life does not just end when something you have been desperately wanting and hoping for just doesn't happen. No, it instead makes you dust yourself off, put some mascara on your swollen eyes, and run off to work at the office. Life doesn't take crap from anyone. Not even you when you want it to just pause and let you wallow in your self-pity for a minute. NOPE. It's not happening. 

Anyways I think that is why life is beautiful. It is moving so hard and so fast around you all the time that sometimes I think I am going to get sick from all the spinning. However, it makes for amazing opportunities and wonderful chances to choose joy or make a really crappy decision that sends you back like seventy-five steps before the starting line. BUT hey! Isn't that why we are here? To decide, decide, decide and then ultimately feel like a failure? It's wonderful! No, in reality, we do not always feel like a failure. There are so many beautiful miracles (I gave a speech about all the miracles I saw in Quebec, Canada at church some time ago and so I would know) and amazing people that fill this life that it truly outweighs the crappy, mean dummies you happen to fall upon on a terrible Tuesday in October or a mundane Monday in July. This truly is because God loves us. He wants us to be happy so sometimes he lets us spin around, fall, and then ultimately get back up and try again. Now whether you do or not that is up to you. He's just up there trying not to smack you upside your head when you get mad at your angelic husband for putting his dirty socks on the bed you just made. 

Story Time:

C drove me to work today. (Due to the fact that we both decided really spontaneously to go on a trip to Vegas last minute last weekend and he took this Monday off to recoup). And I was being a brat. Yep, I do that quite often actually. It helps that I am a 22-year-old spoiled generation Z-er who thinks that life just hands you wins because you are a "good girl". NOPE. So with this current disappointment to all my daydreaming and planning, I was acting like a spoiled 6-year-old who didn't get their Happy Meal from McDonald's. (in other terms I was being a brat). C was driving me and I was being all sullen and hoping that he would tell me that he would fix it, my disappointment, (which he had no control of) and that all my daydreaming and wishing wouldn't actually go to waste. However, he surprised me and went to the negative valley I was trying so desperately to keep my bratty self in and said: "You know life sucks and then you die" (which he said as a joke). And I was struck by how final this all seemed.

Like life throws you a series of unfortunate events, screws you over, and then you die? 

That can't be right. 

That to me means that instead of God you know loving us and allowing us to make mistakes, change, and be better, that he instead is up there going "well Marin you really did it. You really messed up this time... and guess what.... you're dunzo. Yep, no more chances with you. NOPE, I am not listening to any more pleads for help or promises of change. You are done."

Now don't tell me that you read that and thought yep that sounds about right. Because darling me how many times did you yell at your boyfriend or girlfriend (or significant other) and get a second chance? Or how many times did you yell at that cute little 3-year old for not listening the first or second time and actually get another day to be her mom? 

No, truly life does not suck and then you die. Life sucks and then you move on.
You look at your stupid self in the mirror, plead for help, and move on. 

YOU MOVE ON. 

Because truly life is difficult, messy, trashy, but BEAUTIFUL. and that's why I move on. 

Thanks for reading y'all.
I am glad I get to continue on this crazy thing called life and I am grateful for a loving husband and a loving God that allows me to do so.

-M